Friday, January 30, 2015

Final Entry......

Where do I start? What do I write? How do I explain this?

As I sit here, I have written and deleted many words, to many to count. I thought about Lisa and how she would want this handled. First she would tell me  to "get my own blog", this is hers! Then I think she would want you to know what happened and how we will carry on. So here we go.

"Hey, let's sit on the couch and talk about mommy". That's how the conversation started. It seemed like we were crying together just seconds later. Holding each other, helping each other in a way that only we can. It was the most private of moments in my life that I will ever only share with a few people and I will leave it at that.

What you need to know now is, Katherine is an amazing child and we know who is responsible for that. She had and has her moments but is strong and caring and she knows mommy is ok now. She isn't sick anymore and she is all around us (Katherine's words).

On Wednesday night Lisa left us. She never shyed away from sharing what was happening medically so neither will I. 
The cancer had moved into her lungs. It had spread to the point of causing the lungs to put pressure on the heart. It was that beautiful heart that failed her that sad night in the hospital. 

It will also be that heart of hers that we remember. She was able to hold all of us in it and still had room to give. We know she was fiercely loyal to her friends and family and I have felt that love in return these last days. Know that the amazing response has been overwhelming.

I imagine she is rolling her eyes at me rite now and coming up with a snarky comment about all this. But I have your phone now Lisa so I'm in charge!

This will be the final post on this blog. That does not mean it's the final chapter. We will all continue on, we must. Lisa would be pissed if we didn't to be honest. We will continue together as a stronger community. That will be one of her legacies. She will bring people closer and put our lives is perspective.

Lisa words from her first blog entry:
" I'm so overwhelmed by the love and support everyone has given, and I am often brought to tears reading your texts, emails, posts, etc.  I am so very lucky to have the family and friends I do.  It is during hard times when you come to appreciate what you have in life.  I have so much.  So very much."

-Lisa Cochran Delaney




Wednesday, January 14, 2015

So this sucks...

Yeah I don't have a catchy title for this one. This is the best way I can put it. On Sunday night, I went to the ER because of extreme shortness of breath. I was admitted and given oxygen, which of course helped. Two days and many tests later and it seems everyone agrees this is probably inflammation from the treatment, which is a side effect. With my already inflamed lungs, the treatment sent me right over the edge. So I'm home now but still need supplemental oxygen. I think my breathing is improving VERY slowly each day and I'm hoping the further from treatment I get, the more it improves. I'll be making follow up appointments with my Fox Chase docs soon. 

That's all I have for now. A minor setback, I hope, until the treatment starts working. Until I know for sure what's up, though, I'll be canceling any plans. I know a lot of you wanted to get together, but please understand when I say no for now. Lugging around oxygen tanks isn't fun. Just talking is straining. I'll keep you posted. 

Xo, Lisa

Monday, January 5, 2015

Happy New Year!

I hope you all had a great holiday season!  It was hectic here in the Delaney house.  We had something to do pretty much every day, and it took its toll on Kat.  She missed her first day back to school with a fever.  We all seem to have colds in the house, but Kat got it the worst.  Of course she's hopping up and down now and I'm going nuts with her in the house another day.  She'll be good to go back tomorrow for sure.  Thank God.  Many of her friends seem to have been bitten as well, so we're hoping for a speedy recovery for all!

So what's new?  Well, in the treatment world, what did I last leave you with? Ah yes, we were doing one more treatment and then seeing if it made a difference in the lungs.  Well, it did not.  My lungs have gotten progressively worse since I last blogged.  I went in for a tap and was told there wasn't enough fluid to tap, yet I still can't breathe well.  My doc called me in the next day and we agreed the lung issues are probably related to the cancer, which has taken root in my lymph vessels in my lungs. Since the surgery stopped the fluid accumulation, it has nowhere else to go. A backfire no one saw coming. Of course this is all speculation, since the only way to verify is through a biopsy, and no one sees the need for that.  We all know I have cancer.  So my doc called a pulmonary oncologist I had seen months ago to consult, and he recommended a lung capacity test and a trip to the cardiologist to make sure my heart is ok.  Two days and several tests later, my lung capacity is greatly reduced (I saw 40% on one sheet but I have to admit, I didn't get a good look at the results entirely, so that might just be for one test) and my heart is healthy except it is working extra hard to try and pump blood into the lungs, which are being blocked by the cancer.  Stupid cancer.  It's a combination of all those things that is causing my shortness of breath.  Oh, and a distended belly, which no one can give me a solid answer for.  The cardiologist said it's probably related to the heart.  It's a good look. Comfortable too.

So Dr. Haber, the pulmonary doc, increased my steroids to see if it would help.  It has not.  It has just made me puffy, which again, is a good look.  I saw him again last Friday and he said I could taper off the roids, since there is no point to them if they aren't doing anything.  I had already started doing that (shhhh), but I think I'm going to hold firm at the dose I am until after treatment on Wednesday.

Ah yes, treatment.  So I spoke with Dr. Dotan last week and the results of the biological testing came in.  Turns out my tumor (and in my case tumor means cancer cells floating around, not necessarily a lump) looks like it'll respond to a HER2+ drug called T-DM1, brand name Kadcyla, even though the tumor isn't HER2+.  I'm anxious to see the rest of the report, but anyway, it's another treatment option and we've decided to give it a go before a clinical trial, since the trial is a toxicity trial and Kadcyla is a standard treatment.  I have high hopes for this drug.  I've read up on it and it seems to work really, really well in some people.  Up to 3 years in some.  That would be a God-send, but really, I'd like to get just as long as possible out of it.  To have it work for a while and get rid of these lung issues would be amazing.  You have no idea what it is like not to be able to breathe well until you can't. Lung infections just don't compare. Of course, when you feel fine in every other way, it's that much more frustrating.  Stupid cancer.

Ok, so one final thing.  I embarked on a 2 week raw food diet today, but I think I'm changing it already.  I've done a lot of research on raw foods and you have to do more than fruits and veggies. You have to do nuts, seeds, oats, etc., to feel full.  Those latter things bring about a risk of bacteria that I didn't really think of when I decided to do this, so I think I'm going to modify it to a few days raw followed by the remaining 2 weeks vegan.  Then I'll ease into a whole foods dietary approach. No dairy, limited meats, non-processed foods.  The goal is to stop depending on so many processed foods and start eating real, as Mother Nature intended it, food.  No dairy though.  I just feel better without it. I also understand that I'm only human and I will slip up occasionally.  That's ok.  The point is to be healthy.  One slip up here and there is not going to hurt (as long as it's here and there!).

So if I seem a bit grumpy the next few days, please forgive me.  I did some serious binge eating over the holidays and I need a big-time sugar detox.  I'm heavily addicted.  It's sad.  Right now I'm trying to figure out how to get chocolate into my diet without sacrificing the raw aspect.  I have no cacao. It's a problem.  I've put bananas into the freezer so I can make banana whips tonight, and I'm thinking of juicing some pineapple to try and recreate a Dole Whip (Google it).  It's seriously that bad. Although really, Dole Whips.  Yum.

Ok, I'm out of here before I go off on a tangent.  I'll keep you all posted on the treatment, per usual.

Happy 2015 to all!

xo, Lisa