Oy, that feels so good to type! Last round. It will most certainly make these three treatments more tolerable! My last official treatment before starting a break will be February 18. One month before I turn 43. So to celebrate, in a BIG way, WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!
My survivor trip is officially scheduled for November this year, but I didn't want to go back to work immediately after my last treatment. How depressing!! So after much thought, another trip to Disney was scheduled for March. A shorter trip, and with some planning help (namely cost reduction from the Disney trips we normally plan), we were able to swing it. Sean and I also have birthdays in March, so we'll have triple the reason to celebrate. And every day I'm home stuck with nothing to do while hooked up to my 5FU pump, I can now begin my Disney planning. Anyone who is a Disney freak knows you can spend MONTHS planning the trip, nearly every day, and never get bored or tired of it or find any lack of information. It's a good way to spend the days on the couch, that's for sure!
So barring any unforseen circumstances, I return to work on March 20. I have to admit I'm quite nervous about it. The company is a tad volatile at the moment, having gone through a merger last year, and I haven't been there in 8 months, during which time I got a new boss. I also have chemo-brain, and it takes me a bit longer to process things. As an instructional designer, this could complicate things. I know I'll get the hang of it soon enough, and staying intellectually active while being on leave has helped maintain at least my writing abilities, but it still makes me nervous.
The other concern - one that only time will work out - is how I'll FEEL going back to work. No matter what length or strength the battle, there is always a toll that is taken on survivors. The physical toll becomes less apparent to outsiders over time, but the emotional/mental toll never goes away, I'm told. You can change how it affects you, but it doesn't go away. My challenge will be how I adjust with this new mindset, and if I can adjust with what I'm given. Going into this job, I loved instructional design. It's a perfect way to blend my academic and professional experience. Will this experience bring a new perspective to my old job, or will I feel I need a new outlet for expression? Again, only time will tell. As my brain clears up, maybe I'll start writing that book that swirls around in my head. Hmmm.
As we start this new year, I've read a lot of comments on Facebook and other boards from people who felt 2012, well, sucked. I agree. Let's all make a promise to do our best to make 2013 our lucky year! Peace, love, health, and happiness to all!!
xo,
Lisa
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