Treatment and work, work and treatment

I feel like this is all I do.  Go to work, go to treatment.  Go to treatment, go to work.  Since the increase in chemo in my last round, I've been pretty much down for the count.  Turns out, though, I had a sinus infection to top everything off.  I got me some good drugs (God bless the z-pack!) and I'm good to go now. Sometimes you don't truly realize how sick you are until you start to feel better.  So I'm interested to see how I handle the next round, starting tomorrow, now that I am not dealing with a cold or that sinus infection anymore. Hopefully it won't be as bad as last time.

So I know I didn't give an overall update like I said I would after last treatment.  Turns out the fluid in my lungs tested positive for cancer.  I asked my doc what that meant and she said, "Well, it means what we're doing now isn't working."  So I'm going to take her at her word and just think of this as a minor setback. I'm back on the docetaxel in addition to the carboplatin, 5-FU(!), and herceptin, and I believe it'll work this time like it did last time.  I can already feel the fluid building in my lungs again, but I've only had one treatment, so I have hope that fluid will reduce over time.  Also, I only had my left lung drained and the fluid is in my right lung, so it may actually have been there already.  I'll have to ask.  I know it's not enough fluid to be detected by a stethoscope, since my primary care told me my lungs sounded fairly clear when I saw him for my sinuses.  He knows all about the cancer and my treatment, so he was listening for fluid.

When my doc called to let me know the fluid was positive, she asked if I was still working and, to be honest, sounded a little disappointed when I said yes.  I have gotten quite a few comments over it since I started treatment again, so I thought it warranted addressing.  I like work.  I like the people I work with and I like my job.  It's a low stress job and a nice building and nice people and generally, it's good overall for me.  I'm not going to go out on disability unless I cannot physically perform my job or unless I suddenly feel like I'm under too much stress and it's acting against me. I feel like a grown up again, and one not focusing solely on cancer.  The point of treatment is to not only treat the disease, but to also give some sort of quality of life. While I'd much rather be independently wealthy and travel the world, working allows me to believe, if just for the time I'm there, that I'm normal.  That I'm healthy.  That I'm just like everyone else.  So please, trust that I understand my body and what I can handle, and that I will make the right decision, and the best decision, for me, for my health, and for my family.

One final note:  my hair is falling out pretty good now.  This does not make me happy.  For a little while, I thought I might get away with just thinning hair this time.  No such luck.  I have an appointment with a salon that styles wigs on Saturday.  I have what I like to call a transitional wig so I look like my hair just has magically grown an inch or two overnight, but the color is sort of spot on what I have now.  It's a synthetic wig, but it'll work for a few months until enough time has passed before I start using my human hair wig, which is a completely different color.  Closer to what I had before this all started, but something that would raise enough eyebrows in work that people would question what happened if I started wearing it right away. The point is to NOT draw attention to yourself with your wig.  I'm not one to "own" my baldness or go out with crazy wigs.  I want to look like me, so I'm happy to have a wig that allows me to do that.  I'll get back to my blonde "roots" sooner or later.  It's just not something I want to do overnight.  

Treatment tomorrow.  I'm hoping #1 I can make it in all this snow, and #2 it will be a rather uneventful day for a change.

xo, 

Lisa