Well my first "round" of chemo is now winding down and the side effects haven't waned much at all. The nausea patch I was given this time seemed to help during week 1, but the worst of my side effects happen going into week 2, so I'm going to need to talk to my doc about the timing of that one. My nausea is starting to fade, only lingering due to mouth sores that make me gag when I swallow. They'll be gone in another day or two and I can get back to regaining the weight I've lost this time. Kat and I will have a girls day this week and next for sure, as I try and make up lost time with her. The guilt is overwhelming, even though I'm doing what I have to do to be a good mom for her. My CT scan is scheduled for October 5, and hopefully that brings good news - or no news at the very least. It will be very hard to hear the cancer has spread and knowing they still have no idea where it originated and aren't sure how to treat it.
Today is a very weak day and I find myself drifting off with "chemo brain" as I type this, so I'm going to sign off for now. Big weekend coming up. LOTS of birthdays being celebrated in the Delaney/Cochran clan! I need to get back my strength.
On a side note, I was given the ok to have alcohol moderately. Yay! Not that I'm a huge drinker, but even my doctor said a drink now and then will be good for me. Especially when I'm having dinner with the girls and want to enjoy a nice glass of wine. It's the little things these days.
xo,
Lisa
Monday, September 24, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Preparing for #3
Well my good week has come and gone this cycle with nothing remarkable to note, except the edema in my leg is starting to come back. Just in time for round #3! This will be the last round before my next scan to assess how the treatment thus far has worked. I don't know if saying I'm looking forward to the scan is the right way to put it, but I am anxious to get it so I know how the chemo has worked and how aggressive the cancer is. I have a routine visit and blood work tomorrow before my next infusion on Monday. There is a possibility the results of the genetic testing may be in by now, so I'm half expecting to get those results tomorrow as well. That makes me anxious. I want to know what the cancer is, but I don't want to hear the worst possible scenario - pancreatic cancer - and that's still one of the possibilities. Gastric cancer makes the most sense with my history of Celiac disease, of course, but when they tell you they think it's upper GI in nature, pancreatic is always in your mind. Not that gastric cancer is that much better, but it's still better. I keep hoping they'll come back and say, "We were COMPLETELY wrong! It's lymphoma!" But I know that's about a .00005% chance. Ok, maybe a little higher than that, but still slim. It's funny how you hope for certain cancers, even though there is no cure. Lymphoma means it's where it should be and we can knock it into remission with a proven treatment plan, but it's still not a pretty cancer. It's still a battle. I guess it would be a battle I could prepare myself for, though, with a known schedule and known expectations.
From what I've read, around the third or fourth infusion, most people hit a low point, becoming exhausted both physically and mentally. I'm glad I read it because, coming up on my third infusion, I can prepare for it. It's like the baby blues. You have no control over yourself, but at least you know why, and that makes it tolerable. I hear it gets better after that, though. I'm counting on it. Right now, more than anything, I need a plan. I need to be able to get into a routine of living, not of being sick. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I also know I can't spend the rest of my life with two weeks down and one week up. And good LORD I'm bored! At this rate I'll spend all of the money I have saved up going out to lunch and shopping, and I'll be stuck in the house forever! I need to do something. If I can't go back to work, I need to find a hobby. So let's hope this infusion and scan bring a sense of where we are and what we're up against so I can plan my future. At least my immediate future.
The one thing about the 3 week treatment rotation, as opposed to the 4 weeks I got with my first infusion, is that my taste buds don't have a chance to recover before the next infusion, so suddenly I find myself on a mostly raw foods diet. Cold, raw foods are about the only things that consistently taste good. Rather convenient how healthy this diet is, so I suppose worse things could happen! When I was pregnant with Katherine, my diet consisted of fruit smoothies and anything beige in color, so this is probably much better. Having said that, if anyone has a recipe for awesome raw foods (mainly types of salads, I guess), I'd love to hear them. Keep in mind I despise tomatoes (and that is not too strong of a word). Tonight I'm making a nicoise salad for dinner. I have tuna to sear and yummy potatoes and green beans to steam. Yesterday I had a Mediterranean salad, while Sean and Katherine had spaghetti. Family dinner takes on a whole new meaning when you are limited in what you can eat.
On a final note, I hope you all watched the Stand Up 2 Cancer telethon and donated what you could. I know you could (and still can!) text $10 to them, and every little bit helps. Thank you to everyone who participated. Even awareness brings about change, so thank you. To date, the telethon raised over $81 million and officially partnered with St. Baldrick's to form the Pediatric Dream team, so that's great news! The more news like this, the better! Today I received my SU2C "In the Fight" tshirt and Dorje necklace in the mail that I bought. The necklace is the Tibetan symbol for Diamond Lightening, or Indestructible. It was created by a cancer survivor as a symbol of what cancer CAN'T do. I can feel its power already.
Ok, I'll be back next week some time to update you all on how the infusion goes. Thank you again to everyone who has reached out (and those who read quietly!) for all of your support. I honestly feel like I have an army of friends and family standing behind me now, lifting me up when I need help, fighting along with me. It's very moving, very inspirational, and I love you all for it.
xo,
Lisa
From what I've read, around the third or fourth infusion, most people hit a low point, becoming exhausted both physically and mentally. I'm glad I read it because, coming up on my third infusion, I can prepare for it. It's like the baby blues. You have no control over yourself, but at least you know why, and that makes it tolerable. I hear it gets better after that, though. I'm counting on it. Right now, more than anything, I need a plan. I need to be able to get into a routine of living, not of being sick. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I also know I can't spend the rest of my life with two weeks down and one week up. And good LORD I'm bored! At this rate I'll spend all of the money I have saved up going out to lunch and shopping, and I'll be stuck in the house forever! I need to do something. If I can't go back to work, I need to find a hobby. So let's hope this infusion and scan bring a sense of where we are and what we're up against so I can plan my future. At least my immediate future.
The one thing about the 3 week treatment rotation, as opposed to the 4 weeks I got with my first infusion, is that my taste buds don't have a chance to recover before the next infusion, so suddenly I find myself on a mostly raw foods diet. Cold, raw foods are about the only things that consistently taste good. Rather convenient how healthy this diet is, so I suppose worse things could happen! When I was pregnant with Katherine, my diet consisted of fruit smoothies and anything beige in color, so this is probably much better. Having said that, if anyone has a recipe for awesome raw foods (mainly types of salads, I guess), I'd love to hear them. Keep in mind I despise tomatoes (and that is not too strong of a word). Tonight I'm making a nicoise salad for dinner. I have tuna to sear and yummy potatoes and green beans to steam. Yesterday I had a Mediterranean salad, while Sean and Katherine had spaghetti. Family dinner takes on a whole new meaning when you are limited in what you can eat.
On a final note, I hope you all watched the Stand Up 2 Cancer telethon and donated what you could. I know you could (and still can!) text $10 to them, and every little bit helps. Thank you to everyone who participated. Even awareness brings about change, so thank you. To date, the telethon raised over $81 million and officially partnered with St. Baldrick's to form the Pediatric Dream team, so that's great news! The more news like this, the better! Today I received my SU2C "In the Fight" tshirt and Dorje necklace in the mail that I bought. The necklace is the Tibetan symbol for Diamond Lightening, or Indestructible. It was created by a cancer survivor as a symbol of what cancer CAN'T do. I can feel its power already.
Ok, I'll be back next week some time to update you all on how the infusion goes. Thank you again to everyone who has reached out (and those who read quietly!) for all of your support. I honestly feel like I have an army of friends and family standing behind me now, lifting me up when I need help, fighting along with me. It's very moving, very inspirational, and I love you all for it.
xo,
Lisa
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Let's try this again
Well, round two sucked almost as much as round one. Clearly the additional meds they gave me and the reduction of the chemo didn't have the desired effect. The nausea hit hard on Thursday night of my first week and extended through, well, now. Today is the first day, however, that I have any energy at all and I even made myself a (bad) plate of dippy eggs this morning. And ate them. That's impressive. I was supposed to call my doc Monday morning if I wasn't feeling any better, but I didn't. I know, I know, blah, blah, blah, but the last thing you want to do when you're teetering on the edge of vomiting is get on the phone to tell your doc and then have her order you to the center for more fluids. Especially since the IV was taken out Friday and I would've been stabbed in my port again. Which hurts. No thanks. Plus that hour car ride with nausea is brutal. Can PA PLEASE do something about it's horrendous roads????? I realized a few things this time, though. 1 - Diarrhea added to nausea is not good. 2 - Mouth sores make you more nauseous when you swallow. 3 - The extreme back pain I got in round one was not a coincidence. I'm going to have to nip that one in the bud. It came at the same time each treatment and lasts for about 2 days. It's like a vice on my back when I make any single movement and I have to sort of hold my breath and ease into any position. Very few are comfortable. Seeing as I tried not to stay in bed all day this time and actually made it to the couch more often, I think the pain is from one of two things: either my bed (I switched positions after the last time so I now sleep head to foot in the bed, and the night before I got the pain I switched back for some dumb reason. Plus it's a TempurPedic, which really pisses me off cause it shouldn't matter. I hate that bed.) or the Neulasta shot I get for increased white blood cells. The shot is only supposed to affect bones, really, and give you a flu like feeling (which I assure you this is not), but next time I'm going to try to take Tylenol a few days after the shot and see if it helps. I just hate adding drugs on drugs. I take so many as it is, I feel like they're going to start to work against each other and themselves at some point.
Today is recovery day. I'm on the computer, eating as much as I can to make up for lost time, catching up on the non-existent summer shows (oooh! I just realized I have a SYTYCD to watch! Yay!), etc. I'm usually beat by 7PM, which stinks because Kat is WOUND UP at that time and I don't get to spend much quality time with her anymore as it is. It's just too much some days. I'd take a nap but, well, I don't really like to nap. Especially after having been in bed for a week with not much of a choice.
OK, enough for today. Before I go I have a couple of notes I want to make. Please make sure you watch the Stand Up 2 Cancer fundraiser THIS FRIDAY, September 7, on all major networks and give what you can.
Also, I found this fantastic site that sends one free head scarf for anyone losing hair for any medical reason and I wanted to share. Anyone that does something that good should be promoted. Go to Good Wishes Scarves to check them out.
xo- Lisa
Today is recovery day. I'm on the computer, eating as much as I can to make up for lost time, catching up on the non-existent summer shows (oooh! I just realized I have a SYTYCD to watch! Yay!), etc. I'm usually beat by 7PM, which stinks because Kat is WOUND UP at that time and I don't get to spend much quality time with her anymore as it is. It's just too much some days. I'd take a nap but, well, I don't really like to nap. Especially after having been in bed for a week with not much of a choice.
OK, enough for today. Before I go I have a couple of notes I want to make. Please make sure you watch the Stand Up 2 Cancer fundraiser THIS FRIDAY, September 7, on all major networks and give what you can.
Also, I found this fantastic site that sends one free head scarf for anyone losing hair for any medical reason and I wanted to share. Anyone that does something that good should be promoted. Go to Good Wishes Scarves to check them out.
xo- Lisa
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