Today started my 3rd treatment in the cycle. Before the next one I'll get a CT to assess how things are going. As is normal with the first round, I'm feeling quite anxious right now, so instead of another post explaining how I'm feeling or what it's like leading up to the CT, I thought I'd share some of my dos and don'ts when dealing with those with cancer. These would probably apply to other chronic diseases, but I'll stick with what I know.
DO keep in touch. It is very important to maintain old and make new friendships while dealing with such a heavy condition. Laughter truly is the best medicine and good friends know when it's appropriate. Text works best for quick shout outs and setting up lunch or drinks. Sometimes phone calls are hard, but if that's all you got, the phone works too. In person is always best. With some stipulations.
DON'T be offended if I don't have the energy to reach out first or if it takes me time to get back to you. Life is busy and exhausting on so many more levels than ever imaginable. I go out and see people. I just don't do the planning much anymore. Send me a text or FB me with specific times, and if I can make, I'll be there.
DO ask questions. I'm more than happy to answer them. I prefer questions over the head tilt + sigh. You know the one.
DON'T turn away if I want to talk about the cancer or lymph edema or anger or how wrong it is that cancer thrivers even HAVE any other ailment to begin with!! Be angry with me, or just listen, or offer wine, or distract me. I love distraction. I used to be fun! On the flip side, don't be surprised if I show no interest in talking about it. It goes both ways. Just don't give me that head tilt + sigh. Seriously.
DO offer help when you think it's needed. Truly needed. We all get to the point where pride takes a back seat and we realize help would be nice.
DON'T offer help just to make you feel better. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. Offering to bring a lasagna when you know I can't eat it isn't helping me, and Sean and Kat will never eat that much. Sending over a gift card to a local place that does takeout - yes! Now you're thinking! I greatly appreciate everything everyone has done for me, from the slightest gesture to helping make the dream vacation a reality. Just don't put it on yourself to feel obligated. Some people are just not obvious helpers. Those people have ways to help they don't even realize, often in humor or alcohol. Or both. Choose your path.
DO show emotion around me. It's fine. This is a hard thing to go through and if you're showing any kind of emotion, I know you care. That's huge support. Laugh, cry, cheer me on, get angry. It's all good and it all gives me strength. On the other hand...
DON'T do either of these: tell me I'll be cured. I won't. I have stage 4 cancer. At best it's a long-life-long chronic battle. I've always said my goal is to keep going until the next great drug comes along. That's still the plan. Also DON'T act as if every piece of info I share about my treatment or the cancer is just awful, merely because it's cancer. When I say the tests showed the cancer is aggressive but can be targeted, focus on the targeted treatment, not that it's aggressive. Aggressive cancers respond well to treatment. It's good!
Finally, DO comment! I love knowing you're reading and what you think. I'll answer questions, too!
I think that's good for now. I'm up way too late.
XO,
Lisa
My view from my chair in the infusion room today. Work and life.
ETA: GD Auto correct apparently doesn't know the diff btw well and we'll. made 2 post publish edits to Lisa-correct them.
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