Round 2, Treatment 1/3

Ok, so generally speaking this treatment was a breeze, so it only gets counted as 1/3rd of a treatment.  I got hooked up to the 5FU on Thursday, 11/17, and was unhooked Monday morning, 11/21, and went right into work.  I even went to a family function that Sunday with my pump safely tucked into a very attractive fanny pack.  It's all the fashion rage right now.  I had some minor nausea throughout the week, but nothing a little Zofran couldn't handle.  Mostly I was tired.  After the 5 days on the pump, I found that my body was just worn down (though not to the extent it was at the end of the last treatment round).  I went to bed most nights around 8:30, and I think one night I went up and fell asleep at 6:30.  Next time should be the real challenge.  We'll see how tough I really am!

So today is sort of a tough day for me.  I have to get over the mental challenge of working with a disability.  And that's what cancer is to me, a disability.  Some days I'm tired, or nauseous, or whatever, but with some concessions, I can work my 40 hour a week job and, in all honesty, it will be good for me to keep my mind busy.  But my challenge comes in thinking people are treating me different because I am in treatment.  I don't want to seem fragile, or be taken easy on, or whatever.  But I also don't want to be extra challenged just to see if I can handle it.  And the stress of those ideas swirling around in my head isn't good for me at all, but I can't get rid of them, which adds more stress.  Maybe I should go see someone about that thing.

I'm also having a lot of pain in my left side under my rib cage.  It started back in July and I thought I had bruised my ribs, but it's lasted for a while.  In speaking to doctors and being my own best advocate for knowledge, I've figured out that my lymphedema is causing the problem.  Here's why - the lymphatic system, unlike the circulatory system, has no pump.  When lymph nodes stop working at their best for any reason, you run the risk of lymph fluid building up in that part of your body.  My lymphedema started because I had a node taken out from my right groin, and because rest of the nodes left in my groin had cancer in them, thus not working at their best.  The result is a big, fat leg.  So now, I have cancer in my right groin, causing that part of my lymph system to slow down, and the result is actually built up fluid in my abdominal cavity.  In turn, that fluid has pushed a bit into my left lung (common).  On it's own, the amount of fluid in that lung would not cause symptoms, but you add my swollen abdomen and my poor performing lymphatic system, and it's just ripe for overload.  The pain comes when that part of my body gets extra swollen, like after I've eaten a big meal, or if I've been laying on that side for too long, thus allowing any fluid to drain down there, putting extra pressure on that lung.  Painful.  So I've found the remedy is exercise.  The only way to get the lymphatic system moving is to move.  When the pain gets bad after I've eaten a big meal, I walk up and down the stairs a few times.  Within 10 minutes, I'm feeling better.  Night time is more difficult.  I can't seem to find a great position to sit or lie down, so I toss and turn a lot.  Meds don't help too much and I don't really want to become dependent on them.  And really, with GI cancer, do I really want to add NSAIDs or ibuprofen in my system in mass quantities?  Um, no.  So I ordered a spinning bike that will come in next week and the goal is to do quick, 15 minute bursts of exercise twice a day.  Hopefully that will keep things pumping!

Finally, we've had two losses in the cancer world that hit close to home for me.  Both are women, both are mothers.  Both taken way too soon.  Each time someone passes, more fear is put into me.  Sean is a great dad and I have the most amount of faith in him as a dad, but a child needs her mother.  I fight for Katherine.  She is who I have always fought for.  These two losses, however, prove that sometimes a mother's fight is just not strong enough for cancer.  And that's too scary to think too much about.  These reminders come in now and then, though, and you can't help but reflect.

So in the spirit of ending this terrible disease, I am going to share some information here that was passed along to me.  I know it is the month of pink.  God knows we see it everywhere.  But remember there are a whole bunch of cancers out there that are colored in various shades of the rainbow.  Educate yourselves, protect yourselves, love yourselves.  You are not here forever, but try to be here for a while.

xo,
Lisa

Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance - mesothelioma is a completely preventable cancer (caused only by asbestos exposure), so knowing more about the disease and it's risk factors truly does make a difference.

The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society - Amazing work is being done for blood and lymphatic cancers, but we need speed things up.  Time is essential.

Finally, The American Cancer Society, LiveStrong, and Stand Up 2 Cancer, all do amazing work in raising awareness, helping survivors and caregivers, and funding valuable research to help end this awful disease.  Please take some time to visit each and learn more about them. 

Bringing Back the Blog

Well, it happened sooner than I would have liked, but the blog is back.  My last scan showed an enlarged lymph node in my left groin (opposite side from where it was originally found), and a needle biopsy done this past week showed it to be positive for cancer.  Still no idea what KIND of cancer, but cancer none-the-less.  So treatment begins on Thursday.

Now I had really hoped to make it clear through this year so that I could go to  Disney and enjoy the holidays without having to work around a chemo schedule, but seems that dream was in the pipes.  What my doctor did agree to, however, is modify my first treatment to only include the 5 (again, aptly named) FU.  The hope is, while we know the 5FU will probably not kill the cancer that exists, it will keep it from growing further, thus putting me into a sort of holding period until I get back from Disney in November.  I will start full blown treatment November 22nd.

I have told my boss and those needed within my new company of the news, and they have graciously agreed to work with me so that I can continue to work while getting treatment.  Now that I know what I'm up against, I fully believe I can continue to do my job effectively, with some concessions.  I will need to work from home the week I have the pump in me (although I'm planning on a different schedule from last time, so I will have two days of the weekend in the mix, making it so I only have to work 3 days from home during the pump cycle).  I know it will not be easy, but I also know I don't want to spend all my days at home.  I want to live my life, even if that means living through treatment. 

As my doctor said, we knew this was coming.  We know the statistics.  And I had nearly 9 months of remission, and 7 months of being treatment free.  We know what's possible, and now all I have to do is kick it down again, and again, and again, until they either find a cure, or find another drug that will allow me to live with this horrid, wretched, disease until I'm very, very old.  That's where my mind is.  That's how I choose to look at things.  I hope you can as well, because the more normal my life can be through times of treatment, the more cancer is going to realize it doesn't stand a chance.

xo,
Lisa