I am in week two of my second treatment cycle of this round. The inside of my mouth has taken on the texture of one that has been burnt severely by a ham and cheese Hot Pocket (sing it - you know you want to). The Neulasta shot did extra damage this time around, with major bone pain like I haven't had before, as well as the usual back spasms, but I take that as a sign that massive amounts of white blood cells are being produced to get me through the remainder of winter. My stomach was not the best it has been (or the worst), but that's getting better. Fatigue usually rears it's ugly head at this point. Physical fatigue. That will pass as well. The second treatment of the round is always the worst, both emotionally and physically, and this 8th treatment cycle is proving no different. I'm finding it hard to do much of anything. Even typing this post, I'm taking frequent breaks to collect myself and my thoughts.
My hair fell out. Again. It seems to have stopped, but all of that dark hair once coming in is now gone, replaced by coarse, pointy, white hair. Eh, it's hair. I'll take it. I don't count on having any for vacation in March, though, which is disappointing. I really, really hate wearing wigs, and it doesn't matter how many people tell you how beautiful you are bald, or with a hat, or with a scarf - I won't do it. I'll go to the grocery store with just a hat, but I'm not walking around Disney World with one if I have no hair under there. I will feel self-conscious and it will dampen the joy. I'm hoping to have enough hair on the sides and back to wear a military style ball cap during the day and just wear the wig at night. I don't like eating in hats, though, and it bothers me that I'll have a hat on for at least 2 table service meals. I know, it's trivial in it all, but at this stage, I'm making a big deal out of the trivial.
On a positive note, my lymphedema therapy is going well. I was measured today for a custom compression stocking and I'm glad for that. My therapist thinks my "resilience" (that's therapist talk for "It won't freaking go down any more!!!") is due to the continued chemo. Turns out one of the drugs I'm on causes lymphedema. The things you learn. Anyway, she's hoping once I'm done treatment, my body will start to heal and the leg will go down on it's own. I'm hoping with her. In the meantime, I need a stocking and not 6 bulky compression bandages (like Ace bandages) to wear for my trip. I can't fit in pants other than sweats, and I will not be walking around Disney World in sweats. Do you hear me lymphedema??? I will win this war on you!!!
Ok, I'm calm now. It's breakfast night at the Delaney residence and the hubs and the tot will be home soon, so I'll wrap this up. One more treatment starting February 18 and then a CT on March 8 and we'll go from there. Until then, please forgive me if I'm not as communicative as normal. I'm tired. Spring will renew. I'm sure of it.
